Nagpapaalam ka, kay lungkot ng ‘yong mukha
Ramdam ko ang sakit, di ka ba nabibigla
Dumidilim ang mga ulap, tila nakikiramay
Unti unting pumapatak, sabay sabay bumabagsak
Buti na lang umuulan at natatago ang nararamdaman
Mga luhang pumapatak ay di nakikita
Hanggang kailan maghihintay, hindi na kayang sumabay
Hindi na maintindihan, buti na lang umuulan
Tumila ang bagyo, sabay ng pagkalimot mo
Wala na ang ulan, tuyo na ang puso
Sana’y wala nang dumaan, nang di na nahihirapan
Lumiliwanag na, may darating pa ba…
MISTER: wala akong tulog dahil naiisip ko P500K na utang ko kay pare.
MISIS: madali yan! Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mong hindi ka makakabayad sa utang mo para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!
JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,
swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.
JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
JEEP DRIVER: saan galling?
JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin.
JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan?
JEEP PASSENGER: sayo.
Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma’am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at
magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!?
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.
Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Son: Hin alikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.
Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng
picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
T: Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo?
S: ‘Yung paggising mo, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran, matanda rin ang iyong katabi.
BERTO: Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa?
ROMY: Syempre, pera! Kasi, ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang interes. Ang asawa, habang tumatagal, nawawalan ka ng interes, tapos, inuubos pa ang pera mo
2 Mag-amiga naglasing. Paguwi natae sila at sa sementeryo inabutan. Ang isa ginamit ang panty pamunas tsaka tinapon. Yung isa, nakakita ng bouquet ng flower sa puntod at ginawang pamunas. Kinabukasan, sabi ng mga asawa nila:
JUAN:Pare, bantayan natin mga misis natin…Misis ko umuwi kagabi walang panty!
PEDRO: Mas grabe misis ko pare…Merong card nakadikit sa puwet na may nakasulat “We’ll never forget you. From all the guys at the OPERATIONS DEPT.”
Makabagong kasabihan: Kagandahan edition
1 ) Para sa magaganda: “aanhin mo ang ganda, kung wala ka naming papa.”
2 ) Para sa gustong magpaganda/retokada : “kung gusto mong lumandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi”
3 ) Para sa mga feeling magaganda: “talbog ang matigas na tinapay sa tigas ng mukha ng nagmamagandang inday”
4 ) Para sa mga walang ganda: “mabait man daw at magaling, ang chaka-
chaka pa rin”
Words to live by ng mga bading (hehehe)
“Walang kaibi-kaibigan pag agawan na ng dyowa ang usapan”
“Sa hinaba-haba man ng prusisyon, bading din pala ang magiging
“Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare”
“Aanhin mo ang guwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa iyo?”
“Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling dyowa, sa mga bath houses
“Matalino man daw ang bading, napeperahan pa rin.”
Guwapo nagtext: Luv, p load nman P100.
Bakla: Ok! (Nagmamadaling naghanap ng loading station).
Bakla: Narecieve mo na luv?
Guwapo: Hu u?
In the middle of a baptismal rite, a bishop officiating said:
“Ang lambot naman ng ulo ng bata…”
The pretty mother replied: “Father…dede ko po yan!”
Motto of the day: “Masarap magmahal kung ang minamahal mo ay masarap”
Ama: Bading ka ba?
Anak: Opo, dadi
Ama: (Dinuldol sa harina c jr). Ano?! Bading ka pa ba?!
Anak: Hin di na po.
Ama: Eh anon a?
Anak: Geisha na po! (Ang taray!)
Always remember…No matter how bad you are…You are not totally useless.. You can always be….used as a BAD EXAMPLE! Inspiring! Hehe
Kagabi, sumakay ako sa jeep…lahat cla nakatingin skin…ang sama ng tingin Nla skin…cnubukan kong mag-abot ng bayad pro ndi nla tinangkang kunin ang bayad ko…bigla akong kinilabutan…hanggang sa my kumalabit na matanda sa akin at sinabing….”Arkilado namin ito..” hehehe
7 tips para maiba naman ang araw mo:
1. Sikmuraan ang unang taong kasalubong at humingi ng sorry.
2. Uminom ng pampatulog labanan ito, magexercise.
3. Tibagin ang bahay gamit ang kutsara at buuin muli.
4. Himatayin kunwari sa daan, tiyaking may tao.
5. Tahiin ang puwet at magpatingin sa doctOR
6. Kurutin ang nakababatang kapatid pagkatapos unahan mong umiyak.
7. Makapagtitigan sa isda. Huwag titigil hanggat hindi ito kumukurap…
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways ,but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.
Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
The Winner is always part of the answer; the Loser is always part of the problem.
The Winner always has a program; the Loser always has an excuse.
The Winner says, “Let me do it for you”; the Loser says, “That is not my job.”
The Winner sees an answer for every problem; the Loser sees a problem for every answer.
The Winner says, “It may be difficult but it is possible”; the Loser says, “It may be possible but it is too impossible.”
When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, “I was wrong”; when a Loser makes a mistake, he says, “It wasn’t my fault.”
A winner makes commitments; a Loser makes promises.
Winners have dreams; Losers have schemes.
Winners say, “I must do something”; Losers says, “Something must be done.”
Winners are a part of the team; Losers are apart from the team.
Winners see the gain; Losers see the pain.
Winners see the possibilities; Losers see the problems.
Winners believe in win-win; Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.
Winners see the potential; Losers see the past.
Winners are like thermostats; Losers are like thermometers.
Winners choose what they say; Losers say what they choose.
Winners use hard arguments but soft words; Losers use soft arguments but hard words.
Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things; Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.
Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: “Don’t do to others what you would not want them to do to you”; Losers follow the philosophy: “Do it to others before they do it to you.”
Winners make it happen; Losers let it happen.
1. Never explain yourself to any one. Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it, and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it.
2. When you keep you are busy, then you are never free. When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have time. When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow, the your tomorrow will never come.
3. When you wake up in the morning you have two simple choices. Go back to sleep and dream, or wake and chase those dreams. Choice is yours.
4. Don’t make promise when you are in joy. Don’t reply when your sad. Don’t take decision when you are angry. Think twice… Act wise.
5. Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment.
6. First, I was dying to finish my high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. Then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow enough so I could go back to work. But then I was dying to retire. And now I’m dying. And suddenly I realized I forgot to live. Please don’t let this happen to you. Appreciate you current situation and enjoy each day.
SMALL MISUNDERSTANDINGS MAY RESULT IN A LIFETIME OF REGRETS….
PAANO GAGAWIN MO KUNG ANG SUSI NG DRAWER NA LALAGYAN MO NG PERA AY NAHULOG SA HONODORO? KUKUNIN MO PA BA O HINDI? changing emotions and behaviors. The success principle is that when you want a thing even disgusting enough, you will get it. You will do what you must to get the desired result... no matter what. It doesn't matter if you don't know everything... Because if you are motivated enough, you will find out what you need to know, whatever it is. It doesn't matter if you don't have the proper skills... Because with enough determination, you'll go get those skills. It doesn't matter if you are scared out of your mind... Because if you reeeeeeally want that something bad enough, you will feel the fear and do it anyway.
It is stuffed with mental re-patterning statements that get you to believe what the most motivated, inspired, determined, gutsy people do. It forces you to literally think the same moment-by-moment thoughts of the people who rarely if ever fail at anything. It will install into you a never say die mindset through all your waking hours. GAWIN MO YAN SA MGA BAGAY NA AKALA MO AY HINDI MO KAYA. MAKAYA MO KAYA?
When I travel, people often ask me why I live in the Philippines?
Well here it is… Philippines is the only place on earth where……
1. Every street has a basketball court.
2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.
4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.
7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.
8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
9. Everything can be forged.
10. All kinds of animals are edible.
11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
18. People can pay to defy the law.
19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.
20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)!
21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.
22. Being called a bum is never offensive.
23. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.
24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.
26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)
27. Where insurance does not work.
28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.
29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
31. Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go.
32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.
33. La Salle is where all the Chinese go.
34. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go and;
35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.
36. Fast food is a diet meal.
37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
38. Where being mugged is normal and It happens to everyone.
39. Rodents are normal house pets.
40. The definition of traffic is the ‘non-movement’ of vehicles.
41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements and;
42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
43. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.
44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.
46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a thousand.
47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual (Grabe talaga ‘to!)
48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) – than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.
49. And where everyone wants to leave the country!
FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:
1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.
2. Anita Bakery
3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night
4. Barber shop called Felix The Cut;
5. A bakery named Bread Pitt
6. Fast-food place selling ‘maruya’ (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.
7. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing
8. A boutique called The Way We Wear
9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental
10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken
11. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald’s
12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts
13. A shop selling ‘lumpia’ (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll
14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis. Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the ‘Taglish’
(The Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:
15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu ‘We hab sopdrink in can an in batol’ [translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].
16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises – [translation: Beads and Pieces –or– Bits and Pieces]
There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to ‘correct’ them like…….
17. In a restaurant in Baguio City, the ‘summer capital’ of the Philippines: ‘ Wanted: Boy Waitress’
18. On a highway in Pampanga: ‘We Make Modern Antique Furniture’
19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan: ‘We Shoot You While You Wait’
20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila: ‘Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier’.
Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:
21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: ‘We Sell Imported Robber Shoes’ (these could be the ‘sneakiest’ sneakers);
22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads: ‘House For Rent, Fully Furnaced’ (it must really be hot inside)!
23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique – if not altogether odd. City in southern Philippines which said: ‘Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation’ .
24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia – which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively – (believe it or not)!
25. Some folks also ‘creatively’ redesign English to be more efficient. ‘The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words, ‘says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign …..House Fersallarend’ (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?
26. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because ‘We are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive’. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.
Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?
Funny but true….!
Good Golf Wife
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening
when the husband reached across the table, took
his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we
will be married 50 years, and there’s something I
have to know. In all of these 50 years have you ever been unfaithful
to me?” Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest
with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these
50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s
confession, but said, “I never suspected.
Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons”
Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we
were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we
couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see
the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be
extended?” Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said,
“I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”
Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were
so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you
needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he
did the surgery at no charge.” I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to
save my life, so I of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me
about the third time.”
“Alright”, Martha said. “So do you remember when
you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”
BAKA MALIMUTAN NINYO ANG SARILING WIKA…
>Abuloy — bayad sa nahigop na kape at nanguyang biskwit sa nilamayang sakla.
>Akala —- alam na alam daw.
>Aginaldo – inaasahan na makukuha sa araw ng Pasko na mas okay sana kung pera na lang.
>Bakasyon – sandaliang pahinga sa trabahong hingal lang ang pahinga.
>Bakit —- tanong na laging mahirap masagot.
>Bakya —- tsinelas na may takong.
>Baga —– lutuan ng mga hindi makabili ng microwave.
>Bagoong — masarap na ulam ng mga walang maiulam.
>Baldado — hindi mamamatay-matay na mukhang hindi na mabubuhay.
>Bale —– suweldong inutang.
>Kaaway — ikli ng ‘kaibigan na Inayawan.’
>Kababata – dating gelpren na may ibang boypren.
>Kabag —- utot na naipon sa tiyan.
>Kabayo — hayop na sinasakyan Ng kalesa.
>Kalbo —- gupit ng buhok na korteng itlog.
>Dalaginding — dalagang hindi pa nagsusuot ng bra.
>Dilim —- liwanag na maitim.
>E ——– ireng paseksi.
>Gahasa — romansang walang ligawan.
>Ginang — asawa ni ginoo na mukha nang tsimay.
>Ginoo —- inaasawa ni ginang na may inaasawang iba.
>Gipit —- kalagayan ng tao na suki na ng sanglaan.
>Ha ——- sagot ng nagbibingi-bingihan .
>Halakhak – tawang bukang-buka ang ngala-ngala.
>Handaan — magdamagan na Palakihan ng tiyan.
>Handog — bigay na laging may kapalit.
>Hipo —– haplos na may malisya.
>Hudas —- tapat na manloloko.
>Ibon —– hayop na lumalangoy sa Hangin.
>Imposible — pagtaas ng unano.
>Insulto — walang hiyang biro.
>Isda —— hayop na hindi Nalulunod.
>Ita ——- negrong Pinoy.
>La ——– ikli ng ‘lalalalala’ sa kinakantang hindi maalala.
>Lalawigan – syudad ng kahirapan.
>Langaw —- kulisap na bangung-bango sa amoy ng basura.
>Ma – ——- tawag sa gelpren na mukhang nanay na.
>Malusog — hitsura ng tumatabang balat.
>Mama —— tawag sa sosyal na ina.
>Mano —— kaugaliang Pinoy na nakapupudpod ng noo.
>Mantika — katas ng piniritong taba.
>Maybahay — asawang utusan sa bahay.
>Nakaw —– pagkuha ng walang pasabing ‘akin na lang ito.’
>Naku —— ikli ng ‘ina ko, ina na ako.’
>Nitso —– bahay ng mga patay.
>Nobya —– gelpren na laking probinsya.
>Ngalngal — iyak ng walang ipen.
>Ngisi —– tawang tulo-laway.
>Ngiti —– tawang labas ipen.
>Paa ——- bahagi ng katawan na amoy lupa.
>Paaralan — dito itinuturo kung ano, alin o sino ang mapipiling bobo.
>Panata —- dasal na nakatataba ng tuhod.
>Regla —– masungit na panahon ng pagkababae.
>Sabon —– mabangong bagay na ipinapahid sa mabahong katawan.
>Sakristan —- utusan ng pari.
>Sampal —- haplos na nakatitigas ng mukha.
>Ta ——– ikli ng ‘tita’ o lalaking may bra.
>Tamad —– taong hindi napapagod sa pahinga.
>Funny stuff only found in the good old Philippines. ..
>* Nakasulat sa pader:
>”MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!”
>* along a highway in Pampanga:
>”WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE”
>* in a Baguio grocery:
>”FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE”
>* in Cubao:
>”NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY”
>* on a parking lot:
>”TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED”
>* along Luneta Boulevard:
>”BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD”
>* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
>”BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF”
>* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
>”WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS”
>* on a delivery truck:
>”NOT FOR HERE”
>* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
>”WANTED: BOY WAITRESS”
>* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies’ C.R. in a
>”PLEASE DON’T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN.”
>* At a men’s comfort room, above a urinal:
>”HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN”
>* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
>”BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG”
>* somewhere along San Andres:
>”NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS”
>* vacant lot near makati ave.:
>* at an eatery in Cebu:
>”WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!
>and this is the best of them all!!
>* on a building somewhere in the Philippines. ..
>”NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO”